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Comedic Intent Podcast #27

During this week's recording Chris Barylick's girlfriend Lori (who is real - apparently) took some photos.

You can hear the episode here:

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Itunes

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Comedic Intent is BACK on Itunes. After a long battle with Apple we remain victorious. If you haven't already - subscribe for weekly updates.

If you run a podcast don't ever make changes that will affect the Itunes store display or you will NOT get it back on. If you are thinking of starting a podcast use LibSyn.com as your host - they were super helpful getting everything straightened out.

 

Who I Am In Love With This Week - Mindy Kaling

Mindy

Lots of people change their name. I am not sure why more people don’t do it. Names should be earned or voted on based on your personality. Feel free to just refer to me as Badass moving forward. I have never felt like a “Brandon”. There are no cool “Brandons”. The only exception was Brandon Walsh and he was just a waiter with sideburns. Sadly there are no cool shortened versions of my name. They all just sound like chores you want me to do. Some popular ones are; Bra – which sounds like you need me to hold up your boobs, which ladies, I will totally do. Or Bran – which sounds like you need me to help you with shit, literally, it’s a digestive assistant and the last thing you want to hear yelled out at a Denny’s – “Bran – I need you stat. I just ate Denny’s we need to get this out of me immediately.”

This week I am in love with Mindy Kaling, who if you don’t know was born Vera Chokalingam. Mindy comes from the show Mork and Mindy. Luckily Mindy was the girl otherwise I would be in love with some chick named Mork. Most people know her by a different name, Kelly Kapoor from The Office. Funny women are very hard to find, like a suitable toilet at a truck stop, most of 'em are just shit, but you look for the nicest one. Mindy wrote some of the better episodes of The Office including “The Injury” which is arguably the best episode. She is adorable AND she is eight months older than I am - and who doesn’t like an older lady?

Mindy Kaling’s latest book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” was released on November 1st, 2011 by Crown Archetype

Brandon Breaks Records- Smiley

Smiley

We all have parents. I don’t have to explain nature to you. Parents are supposed to guide their young. Whether that be through telling of life lessons, trial and error or calculated beatings. This Smiley record specifically outlines “Parental Guidance Suggested” at the bottom. It is a reminder that you have survived on earth long enough to enjoy this Rap album. Don’t you forget it.

Your parents taught you how to walk, ride a bike and stereotype. Now your parents must guide you in listening to this Smiley record. Music and sounds can be confusing. Many people have forgotten how to listen (they are called husbands.) Upon purchasing this album seek guidance and support for your parents regardless of your or their age. They will always be your parents (until you legally emancipate yourself from them - at that point you are on your own, kid. )

Your parents may quiz you upon completion of listening as several Smiley references are confusing and nonsensical - especially when the smile gets wild. Be sure to write down any questions you may have. There is a “notes” section on the inside liner notes. Once you have proved you can listen to this record without massive head trauma you can purchase records with the “Parental Advisory Suggested” sticker. Your parents should still advise you, but they can guide from a safe distance.

Brandon Breaks Records- Keath Barrie

Barrie

They don’t make ‘em like they used to. That goes for boats, women and bell bottom jeans. No one knows this more than Keath Barrie. Keath Barrie has been all over the world (when his boat isn’t tied to the docks - as it is on the cover.) He has seen places. He has loved. He has loved places, literally. He has on several occasions attempted to court and marry tracks of land. This album contains many tales of such love like “Apalachicola” and “San Sebastian”.

“Apalachicola” is a tale of the promiscuity of shorelines in southern Florida. After several rejected proposals of marriage to Apalachicola, the poor man’s Panama City with a heart of Goldschlager, Barrie dropped by for a visit only to find San Sebastian sleeping with neighboring town Saint Joseph. Several attempts were made to burn Apalachicola National Forest to the ground, but only ended with restraining orders and a brief stint in jail for illegal deforestation.

Tired by the rejection of the Americas - Barrie decided to slum it and go ethnic for “San Sebastian”. On a vacation through Spain, Barrie docked up on “San Sebastian”. And by “docked up” I mean “fucked.” Impregnated and shamed from the other cities in Spain, San Sebastian hid the pregnancy from Barrie by lodging in a shelter.  San Sebastian later gave birth to their love child, Ibiza. Ironically Ibiza is now a popular destination for spoiled, rich children from affluent households.

Barrie loved many other well located destination spots, but has become more famous for his resemblance being used for the Russell Crowe episode of South Park.

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Who I Am In Love With This Week - Annie Clark

Annie

Last night I was in DC at the 9:30 club to see Annie Clark’s solo project St. Vincent and as a result here are the pros and cons of loving Annie Clark:

Pros

She is a porcelain spunky beauty that writes incredible music.

She plays guitar the way I play guitar hero. It looks like you’re doing a lunge and a sit up at the same time. Maybe that’s why she’s in such great shape.

She triggers her guitar pedals while wearing high heels.

She sprinkles profanity in place of established lyrics to win the crowd during the live show.

Cons

Her light show is a seizure inducing punch in the face. I knew I had to divert my eyes from her radiance, but I assumed at some point I would stop rolling on the floor long enough to snap a photo. I was worried about not bringing ear plugs. I should have been worried about not bringing sun glasses.  

When rocking out, she pummels her guitar and whammy bar. This could be a serious concern in the bedroom (as could be the high heels.)

During the encore she swam her guitar through the hands of the crowd and let an audience member have it. Then a stage hand/roadie came to reclaim it. That’s like winning a Porsche and crashing it on the way out of the parking lot.  

She chose not to pull me on stage or make out with me after the show. For shame.

St Vincent's 3rd album Strange Mercy came out on 4AD on September 13th, 2011.

Who I Am In Love With This Week - Sarah P.

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Kids are annoying – let’s face it. But when you hear that little high pitched whining in a foreign accent, it’s pretty damn funny. I am a fan of accents, which is why I am against the international sign language.  There is something special about English lyrics sung by non-English musicians. Someone should invent the audio plug-in to convert a singer’s voice into a specified accent like auto-tune but for accents – the auto-accent. Just so long as it doesn’t get overused and abused – I am looking at you T-Pain. No one wants to hear you sing in a Swedish accent. And take your sunglasses off – it’s 1 o’clock in the morning.

This week I am in love with Sarah P. Sarah is one half of the wonderful Balearic electro-pop group Keep Shelly In Athens. She is from Athens, Greece and, naturally, has a Grecian accent. It’s the kind of accent that makes ordering a gyro platter sound like pillow talk. Pillow talk with a side of tzatziki sauce. First Tina Fey, then Zach Galifianakis now Sarah P…Greece - maybe your debt crisis would be absolved if you got focused and capitalized on this export of talent.

The new Keep Shelly In Athens album "Our Own Dream" comes out November 5th on Forest Family Records.

Handshake

Have you ever gone in for a greeting, unsure if you are shaking hands or bumping fists, and you inadvertently enter into a game of rock, paper, scissors? Shouldn't we all, as a society, agree to chose scissor? That way we can scissor greet. Because, hey, if it's good enough for lesbians - isn't it good enough for us?

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Brandon Breaks Records - Two's Company

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For this installment I am breaking down Two’s Company’s “You’re My Best Friend” record for you. Two’s Company is comprised of Irish-Country sleep aides and turtleneck connoisseurs Mary Darcy and Eamon (pronounced “Aye Mon!”) McRory. Only the two perform on the record, but few know that originally there was a third member of the group. The legend goes - one night while performing a yellow blazer benefit show the spotlight became too crowded and a competition was created to narrow the group down to two.  

Third member, and part time turtleneck roller, Jasper McClintock was pitted against Eamon in an old fashioned, no-holds-barred, bare-fisted windmill punching contest. In front of an audience of blood thirsty concert goers, local wildlife and windmill activists the two pummeled the unsuspecting windmill with a fury of haymakers and racially insensitive insults.   

The first blood of the night came from an accidental head butt between Eamon and a windmill blade where he suffered a small laceration above his right eye and lost the front half of his hair. Jasper’s fate was not so lucky. After crippling the lower supports of the windmill with a series of karate chops, the windmill collapsed directly on top of Jasper killing him, and the windmill, instantly. Eamon was dubbed best puncher, best insulter and best friend by Mary. Later a song was written to commemorate the event called “You’re My Best Friend.” Or so the legend goes.

We're Back

We took a two week break, but we are back now. Expect a new episode this Sunday the 23rd. In appreciation of your patience here is a shirtless Alfonso Ribeiro.

Alfonso

Brandon Breaks Records - Dave Holladay

I shop at a lot of thrift stores and have purchased thousands of records over the years. In this series, I will be breaking down records and the hearts and egos of the artists who made them, because I am a mean person.

First up is Dave Holladay's "Ramona From Daytona" from 1982. You can tell she's from Daytona, because of the palm tree images on the cover, which was designed before art existed. You may be asking yourself, "Why are some trees growing out of other trees?" Great question. This is because the album was recorded in the mysterious, magical land of Daytona in the late nineteen hundreds. Scholars have established that during this period of time in Daytona, later named the Mulletzoic Era, fedora hats were commonly manufactured at twice the height of those seen today. In the surreal land of Daytona, it was also acceptable to wear a sweater under a blazer. In the native Daytonian language it was called a "swayzer".

This record stands as one of the last remnants of the Daytonian society during this period - though several Miami Vice T-Shirts and various “Pac Man” memorabilia have been preserved. Scholars are unsure if these Pac Men were friends or foes to the native Daytonians, it is evident that they were constantly hungry and easily trapped by mazes. Historians are also unclear whether the album was recorded with inflatable guitars or with the assistance of these “Pac Men”, but they have confirmed the style of music is synonymous with the type of mundane, forgettable, run-of-the-mill quality commonly associated with the Daytonian society.

Songs such as, “Excuse Me For Loving You” and “I Wish I Felt This Way At Home” were probably played at night around a Daytonian campfire before throwing the album atop of the flames. Other songs, like “I.O. Blues” are believed to have influenced other hits such as Kirk Van Houten's "Can I Borrow A Feeling?" and Bruno Mars’ “Grenade.” Though scholars do not recommend listening to the album due to the side effects it may have on your time, they believe it is important to keep around to remind people why they should never visit Daytona.

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SportClips

I would like the football cut please. And can you work some laces into the side?

Sportclips

Monopoly

At what point do we start updating our board games to reflect the financial crisis? I took the liberty of updating the Monopoly board for your use. All the properties are half off, but the utilities have increased. Every time you roll your interest rate doubles. You voluntarily go to jail for the free housing and health care. When you purchase Baltic Avenue you find out it's inhabited by a bunch of squatters who kicked holes in the walls and smeared crap all over the place. Notice Boardwalk is not cheaper. That is not an accident. I don't see rich people cutting back. The game ends when the Banker forcloses on all your properties and takes what money you have left.
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Cougarbeat

Why isn't there the equivilent of a Tiger Beat / Teen Beat for adult males who just happen to be into funny middle aged women? Maybe I should start one. Issue #1 below.

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We're on Earwolf

Name

Comedic Intent

Greetings, once again, and hopefully once and for all, internets. This is the Comedic Intent blog, a home for the thoughts, ramblings, musings and hopefully the jokes of the hosts of the Comedic Intent Podcast: Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood and Faizan.

This blog runs on PyroCMS and was designed by Brandon Fisher and Dan Montgomery to meet all of your Comedic Intent needs. It will be administered by Brandon Fisher and Joe Nicolia, with authors Brandon, CJ and Faizan, perhaps with guest posts from other DC area comedians (though details are yet to be determined).

There will be posts about ladies, about humor, about awesome things and a gratuitous amount of plugs regarding shows and events from your hosts. I believe there will also be no shortage of posts regarding cats, the humours lives they lead and their terrible grammar, as well as other humorous internet memes. Since Skyrim will be out in only a few months, I can guarantee that Brandon will have something funny to say about the inhabitants of that world, and your humble administrator will have nothing to say, since Skyrim will be taking up all his time.

That is the end of this highly scientific and informative post. I leave you with this:


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Know your memetic history.

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