Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Designing Women - Part XXXX

Written by: Brandon Fisher


Here are the eyelash jewelry options I discussed in episode 83. If you haven’t heard the episode, here is my argument: Back in the late 90s / early 00s there were a lot of girls getting their tongue pierced. The origin of the tongue piercing is older than the rave scene and it’s associated more with sexual technique than annoying people with your clicking noises during class and having it stuck out in every photo. The tongue is a muscle that like any other muscle can be strengthen by lifting weights (ever wonder what the tongue piercing are shaped like barbells?) Once strengthened the tongue was able to pummel meat like Rocky in the meat freezer.

My concern here is that these girls are going to over strengthen their eyelids. They’re going to be flapping at you like butterfly wings, throwing off tons of mixed signals. You will think they’re batting their eyes at your, but they are really bruising their brow and whipping their cheeks like an unbroken steed (also a reference from the episode.) You know when you work out and get muscles? (I am asking you since I don’t know.) Then you stop and the muscle turns to fat? Picture Arnold Schwarzenegger’s loose skin draped over someone’s eyes. Not a pleasant thought. And Maria Shriver lived it for years. And if years of saggy lids don’t sway you – let me remind you of this – we don’t care. You are beautiful without the accessories. I have never met a women and thought, “I would hook up with her, but those short eyelashes are too unappealing. Now what will I blow when I need to make a wish? Probably a genie.”

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