Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Fashion The Pan - Part XIX

Written by: Brandon Fisher


The other day I saw a woman in the worst animal print. Turns out they were just polka dots. Like most men, I find animal prints pointless. Women think they’re sexy – they are not. Only men turned on by animals are into animal print. And if they are turned on by animals, your human ladyparts probably won’t suffice their desires. If women choose to wear zebra print, or leopard print or whatever I think it should be acceptable for me to wear lion print and chase them down the street. But I am a man and I would never wear a print pattern. What’s ironic is men won’t wear animal print, but they will wear plant print – it’s called camouflage.

I have no problem with leggings as long as they aren’t jeggings, because I don’t like to be tricked. If you’re wearing jeans, wear jeans. If you forgot to shave, or you work at Hooters, you can opt for the flesh colored stockings, but I still feel duped. I prefer your human leg. And let me be clear that means the outside. For some reason Nike decided it might be an idea to make leggings resembling an X-Ray. Women are beautiful. Their bones are not. No one should be a boner over her bone. I have never once found myself getting too excited looking at the anatomical skeleton in biology class. But thanks for reminding me that someday this hot lady will be dead, Nike. Just don’t do it.

Powered by PyroCMS Powered by PyroCMS Powered by PyroCMS Powered by PyroCMS