Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Fashion The Pan - Part XII

Written by: Brandon Fisher


School is back just in time for back-to-school shopping and the annual public outcry of Urban Outfitters T-Shirts. This time Urban Outfitters has avoided racial stereotyping (because that’s soooo last season) and has instead turned it mass produced irony to alcohol consumption. I don’t know anyone of legal drinking age that shops at Urban Outfitters, so I assume everyone is so upset, because it’s like Joe Camel marketing directly to kids. Except in this scenario Joe Camel is kind of like a creepy underachieving drunk uncle with quotes like, “Misery Loves Alcohol” and “I Drink You’re Cute.” Are kids really this miserable this early in life that they need shirts to express their angst? Normally this kind of self-loathing and depression only settles in after years of middle-management and divorce (or one plus years into stand-up comedy.)

I am not upset so much that kids are drinking earlier; I am upset as an adult who takes drinking seriously. It’s like a slap in the face to insult the years of drinking perfection that I have crafted into a cheap throw-away slogan. While I can’t say these slogans are inaccurate, I can say these kids haven’t earned the right to wear them yet. It would be like a high school gymnast wearing an Olympic uniform. You didn’t earn that. You didn’t put in the time and struggles to proudly wear that. It’s the craze with these ironic tees that sell. In the past it was awesome if you had a vintage 1980s star wars shirt. Now they mass produce them and take the cool out of it. Maybe this is actually an anti-drinking campaign, because no hip kids wants to be associated with something any loser off the street can do. And if you’ve been on the streets, lots of losers drink.

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