Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan

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Designing Women - Part XXII

Written by: Brandon Fisher

shoes

The only way to tell if a woman is involved is if they have an engagement ring or are currently making out with someone. Where is the relationship status equivalent in fashion? Women need to make this more obvious. If an engagement ring signifies you intend to marry, there should be an indicator of intention to hook up, like not wearing a bra or wearing white pants. No one is more ready to hook up then a girl in white pants, because you know for a fact it’s not her time of the month.

For men it’s pretty easy to tell if they are single. All you have to do is count the unbuttoned buttons on their shirt. No woman in a relationship would let her man walk around with two or more unbuttoned. It’s just gross. You can also tell when men are in a relationship, because they are usually in flip flops and shorts with no belt. This is because relationships are like prison – they make you take off your belt and shoelaces, so you don’t try to hang yourself.   

A new study finds that you can tell a lot about someone based on what type of shoes they wear. Sadly, they did not indicate which shoes are worn to indicate availability. Though I assume girls in Uggs are single, because no man wants to be walking around with someone who looked like they just rolled out of bed – especially if that bed was in a cave – and they have to use poodle skin for warmth. I guess the only way to really know if a girl is single based on her shoes is to ask the age old pick-up line, “Nice shoes – wanna fuck?”

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