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Who I Am In Love With This Week - Mary Steenburgen

Written by: Brandon Fisher

Mary

When you are young you want to do things to your body that are permanent – like having tattoos or piercings or babies. When you get older you inadvertently do things to your body like get wrinkles or stretch marks. Wrinkles are tattoos that you earned. Stretch marks are penalties. You can also just eat a cupcake. Good luck getting rid of that. It’s on your hips long after the wrapper is decomposed.

Have you ever seen a couple in their 50s and the wife is still fit? It’s hard to not ask the husband how he kept that body so tight. You can’t actually tell your woman she is getting heavy. Somehow these guys have found a loophole. I think married people get fat, because you don’t have sex after you get married. Maybe these guys politely explained this to their women and then jumped in the sack. Or maybe they just keep their house at 95° - who knows.

There are two types of guys; those who like MILF porn and those who like the 18 year old porn. The later seems kinda creepy to me at this point. I am in porngatory. I am equally aged from both ends of the spectrum. I can say as I get older a mature woman with some imperfections is appealing – it shows character. I have not fully embraced the MILF camp, but I get it. If I were to start there might be no better place than with Mary Steenburgen. She has held up insanely well. Do you know she is almost 60! She keeps playing a mother in movies and tv shows and it seems impossible, but from an age perspective it’s plausible. She was on 30 Rock last night as Elizabeth Banks mother and somehow outhotted her. Alas she is married - Cheers to Ted Danson. The best I can hope for is her daughter, Lilly McDowell, who is my age (see image – also notice the person behind them to calibrate their hotness). Age is just a number. A number that everyone judges you by.

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