Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Designing Women - Part XVII

Written by: Brandon Fisher


We are throwing around the term “artist” pretty loosely these days. I make jokes, but I don’t call myself a laugh artist. Just because someone makes you a sandwich, it does not make them a sandwich artist. That’s just Tony in a visor. I didn’t walk in there with my bread and a rough idea of a post modern club sandwich in a palette of warm pastrami. There’s a reason there aren’t sandwich artists set-up on the boardwalk hoping to score some money creating the perfect piece of art for your vacation. This sandwich is not going on the wall – unless I throw it against the wall in anger.

Celebrities have make-up artists, which seems like the most fleeting form of art. It is art that only lasts one day (or sometimes just one good cry.). Celebrities are the blank canvas – beautiful, beautiful canvases. Which is why I hate those “celebrities without make-up” magazine covers. You know men don’t wear make-up, right? That’s what we look like all the time. Leave these women alone. Of course that actress is going to look different walking her kid in the morning than she would in a $100M movie. I also don’t like the “geeky childhood” photos of celebrities. Of course they looked like a nerd at 10 years old in a school photo. I would be creeped out if they published good looking kids at age 10 saying how sexy they look.  

If celebrities are the best we got and we act like their natural appearance is monstrous, no wonder the average women is self-conscious and sometimes feels inferior. I adore a women who chooses not to wear make-up or conform to what society think is beauty. Do you know breast enhancement is the most popular cosmetic surgery? Awful. Large breasts are seen as an indicator of sexual maturity, but women are maturing earlier and breasts are getting bigger over time . Can we all agree to stop the breast overdosing? Let things work naturally. If we continue adding bigger breast implants to bigger breasts at some point women will just be one giant breast. One giant breast ravaging the countryside, destroying small villages and local wildlife (see Woody Allen’s “Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex*”). The story is turning out to be less fantasy comedy and more a warning for future generations.

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