Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Designing Women - Part XV

Written by: Brandon Fisher


People seem to be pretty critical of Miss America. Her knowledge of foreign policy, her stance on famine, her thoughts on democracy…poor Miss America. That Hilary Clinton has it pretty tough, huh? What? You mean the Secretary of State isn’t Miss America. Who Is? Some 17 year old blonde chick from Nebraska? So this Miss America represents all of America? Who voted for her? I don’t remember there being a line at the polling station for this. Oh - a bunch of narcissistic old rich people? No wonder the other countries hate us.

I am like a zombie – I am more interested in women’s brains than their bodies. As Sage Francis said, “I like women who have more to get off their chests than wet t-shirts.” I think it’s sad that women can have beauty marks and not intelligence marks. I guess intelligence marks would just be; glasses, a library card and a mountain of student loan debt. Beauty only last so long, but intelligence lasts forever (unless you have Alzheimer’s.) You don’t see women who are getting older having to use creams on their heads to keep their brains fresh. They don’t have to pay for plastic surgery to inject knowledge of the civil war. And women don’t starve themselves if they forget the capital of Idaho.

According to a recent survey of two thousand women, a staggering 25 percent would rather win America’s Next Top Model than a Nobel Prize. This is so sad to me. I am way more attracted to intelligence than looks. Books smarts is sexy. Street smarts is slutty. Although, a perfect balance of the two never hurt anyone. Why not combine the two competitions? Have a written portion of the ANTM or a swimsuit portion of the Nobel Prize.

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