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Brandon Spoils Movies - Honey I Shrunk The Kids

Written by: Brandon Fisher

honey

I was reminded this week to watch Honey I Shrunk The Kids, after I watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit , and remembered the beginning showed a Roger Rabbit short. This cross movie promotion was largely dormant after the eighties until the whole Avengers thing happened. I mean you never saw Free Willy hot-dogging it alongside the boat in The Perfect Storm. Though this movie could have used more cross promotion. The son could have been played by Data from the Goonies, Rick Moranis could have revived his role of Louis from Ghostbusters (think about it they were both nerdy guys with odd techno-hats) and the next door neighbor kid could have reprised his role from Big. Isn’t it odd that he appeared in a movie about kids becoming big and kids becoming small? It’s too bad he didn’t appear in a movie about kids growing to become adult movie stars.

Honey I Shrunk The Kids was made right in the golden age of nerd cinema - where a geeky engineer could land a hot wife, nice house and spawn children nerds (See also Revenge of the Nerds or Short Circuit). You know – the era when only boys/men were nerds, because women can’t be smart, right? Right? Men make a lot of mistakes – its nature’s law, like Murphy’s Law but updated for the 80s to be Moranis’ Law. The plot is that struggling engineer Rick Moranis builds a shrinking device in his attic (because where better to have atomic shifting prototypes?) and the machine accidentally shrinks his two children and the two neighbor children. From there the children go on an undersized adventure to regain their size while avoiding oversized vegetation and insects – it’s like Jurassic Park for kids. Just like a typical weak husband Moranis takes blame for shrinking the kids when clearly it was the asshole neighbor kid who did it by hitting his baseball through the window. It took us nerds years to outlive this emasculation, don’t knock us back 20 years, Rick. Stand up for yourself.

Honey I Shrunk The Kids is less a movie about how to survive if you were shrunk to a thousandth of your size and more about why you should not to do certain things. Things I learned you should not do based on Honey I Shrunk The Kids; don’t have an experimental lab in your house (solved – I live in an apartment with no attic), don’t have a lawn, because it will be difficult and dangerous to navigate through (solved – see aforementioned apartment note), be careful what insects to trust (some you can ride like an ant or a bee – some will attack you like the all-common North American scorpion - - really a scorpion - - no one fell for that one Disney) and finally it teaches kids not to go outside, because nature is fucking frightening. No wonder kids are so obese these days. This movie scared them. The morale stay inside and be a nerd, because nature is awful and you could drown in a rain drop.

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