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Brandon Breaks Records- Steve Green

Written by: Brandon Fisher

Steve

Is there a photo day for home schooled kids? I guess the home schooled yearbook would just be the family portrait. It would also be the shortest yearbook swap ever (and the saddest if no one wants to sign your yearbook.) No wonder home school kids are socially inept. They miss out on all the social activities. No school photos, no prom, no passing love letters… (well maybe that does happens – I wouldn’t put it passed some of the home school kids I have met.) Getting detention is just being grounded. Field trips are just errands. Homework is remodeling. Wait - can you have homework when you’re home schooled or is that just redundant?

If there is home schooling - is there home colleging? Girls these days like a guy with a higher education who is also tight with his family. Could be a perfect match. Can you fail home school? Is that just getting kicked out? What about a homeschooled GED – does that exist? You will be living at home with any form of GED, so I guess it wouldn’t be that different. Are there special needs classes in home schooling? I mean they already take the “short-bus” - it’s a mini-van. I think all home schooled kids are kids with special needs. They need to get the fuck out.

I have no proof Steve Green was home schooled, but there is no way that face would have survived public school. A shirt like that couldn’t have breached the entrance of a public school - it would have been pulled over his head with his arms still in the sleeves and pulled up through his butt and attached to a clothes hook on the wall for the first ever “Nuclear Wedgie.” I haven’t listened to this album, but I assume “He Holds The Key” is a tribute to his dad unlocking the front door for him. I imagine it was followed shortly by “He Is The Light” which is a song in commemoration of his dad paying the electricity bill. 

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