Brandon Fisher, CJ Kirkwood & Faizan


Brandon Spoils Movies - Home Alone

Written by: Brandon Fisher


The check out lady at my grocery store always calls me “Home Alone”, so I figured I would rewatch the movie Home Alone to see if I could make any correlations. Oddly enough there is a scene when Macaulay Culkin goes to the grocery store and the items he checks out with aren’t that dissimilar to what I buy in rotation (including the army men.) Maybe she was right. Home Alone made it acceptable for blonde kids with bowl haircuts to acclimate into society and for this I thank it. Home Alone, starring Macaulay Culkin, is a movie about the risk of overpopulation, disenfranchised youth, the dangers of stereotyping and the maternal bond between mother and child. Just kidding – it’s just about some kid that gets left alone when his family flys to France. It’s also another platform for John Hughes to rally against the Airline Industry.

So Macaulay gets left behind in this big house to fend for himself and hilarity* ensues (*only applies to those under the age of 12.) I live alone and let me tell you – being home alone isn’t this much fun. There is just about as much talking to yourself though – that’s accurate. Apparently an eight year old's version of fun alone is bouncing on beds, eating ice cream and watching black and white films. Good thing the lead actor wasn’t eighteen or there would have been a lot of scenes involving him spanking it. At one point he showers and applies aftershave in order to give the memorable scream. Two things. One – he didn’t shave. Aftershave would have had no real affect. Two - it’s odd to me that the scream got on in society so much. It’s the most famous movie scream since Deliverance. The house itself doesn’t seem so inhabitable. The family left behind tons of food (even though they were planning to be gone for weeks), all the house lights turned on at a certain time (their power bill must be obscene) and there appears to be no need to lock the door behind you – which he only does ONCE the whole movie.

That leads to the crisis of the story, which is that two local robbers, Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern, are looking to rob the neighborhood. They call themselves the “Wet Bandits” and drive a white van – sounds more rapey and less stealy if you ask me. They attempt to break into the house only to be thwarted by eight year old Macaulay through a series of systematic booby traps. For someone who was scared of the basement heater and old people, he certainly grew a pair pretty quick didn’t he? I couldn’t have stood my ground I was scared of the dark until last year. Macaulay is assisted at one point by a local old person who the kids treated like shit and called the “Shovel Slayer.” The man was just trying to shovel his snow and salt the ground, so people wouldn’t slip. Proving once again kids are assholes.

Macaulay originally wished for his family to disappear and then later asks to have his family back. The morale of the movie, like Big, is not to wish for things, because you will regret it. Set low, attainable goals. The other take-away is that being left alone at a young age will ruin your acting career. Lastly, if you are a civilian and plan to thwart locale criminals make sure they are actually thieves and not just an innocent black youth with a hoodie and skittles.

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