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Brandon Spoils Movies - Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Written by: Brandon Fisher

GJWTHF

Two things happened for the first time this week; I am reviewing a movie I have never seen before and I am reviewing a listener referred movie.  Last week I watched for the first and only time, “Girls Just Want To Have Fun”. This movie has escaped me for so long because it was really never meant to be seen by anyone over the age of 12 or outside of the 1980s or from beginning to end or by anyone with a penis.

GJWTHF stars Sarah Jessica Parker as a smart mouthed, fast talking army brat who relocates to Chicago and tries to make friends at her new Catholic school (which apparently contains the world famous gymnast nuns.) Her goal in life is to dance on the TV show DTV (Dance TV), which is like MTV only completely unwatchable. Though if you think about it MTV stopped showing music videos and I am sure DTV could have been used as another outlet for 16 year olds to be awful on camera.  The movie costars a young Helen Hunt complete with her insect hats, along with a small part reserved for Shannon Doherty who hadn’t learned to be a total bitch on set yet and some dude who I thought was Joey Lawrence for the first hour of the movie.

This movie assumes that the only things girls do to have fun is dance and occasionally coordinate a full town assault on people’s birthday parties. When I was around this age most of the girls I knew preferred alcohol and hooking up to dancing. Although, I went to public school and in the movie they are at Catholic school which means they were only a year or two away from totally slutting it up and putting the public school girls to shame. Everything about this movie sounds like a perfect porn movie, but to my knowledge there has never been a knock-off. Maybe they couldn’t afford the licensing rights to the Cindy Lauper song – although neither did this movie, because they have a cheesy karaoke version half way through.

When it’s announced there is a contest being held to pick new dancers for DTV - Parker and Hunt audition along with New Wavers and Punks (who apparently danced in the 1980s) for a group of network pedophiles. Parker is teamed with Faux-y Lawrence and advances to the finals at the disapproval of her father. Like every movie about dancing - the male lead is from the wrong side of the tracks and is “dangerous” (you can tell because he rides a motorcycle with no helmet.) Why isn’t the woman ever from the wrong side of the tracks in these movies? Oh right – no well-to-do man would ever date a hoodrat (Sleep with, yes. Date, no.)

Parker’s father learns of her actions and bans her from competing. She sneaks out anyways (after learning to cross high tech security wires pretty easily) with the aid of Hunt who was able to scale the house and repel from the rooftop (again pretty easily.) They make their way to the taping only to be stuck in a traffic jam, by which they escape by running from car rooftop to rooftop instead of the open sidewalk to their immediate right. Parker makes it in time to compete in a dance contest by doing a hybrid of aerobics and gymnastics (both of which are not dancing) only to tie for first. Because, how many times do you see reality contests ending in a tie – like every time I assume (I don’t watch them.) Surprise, surprise they win and she is asked to join the show. Did you see the other dancers? They were like 30. Isn’t she is high school? What is their shooting schedule? It was hard enough for her to sneak out and practice now she has a full time commitment to dancing? No wonder she ended up dropping out of school and becoming a slutty sex columnist. See – what did I tell you about Catholic school girls?

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