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Brandon Spoils Movies - House Party

Written by: Brandon Fisher

 

houseparty

In memory of Don Cornelius, I decided this week to watch House Party (it’s the only urban dancing movie I own, because you don’t see a lot of synchronized male dancing these days). This being the fourth entry in this series, I thought this would be the easiest to review, but House Party is a surprisingly cohesive movie. And a waaay more vulgar movie than I remembered. In it, Hip Hop artists Kid ‘N Play (or at least Kid’s hair) were just famous and recognizable enough to star in this film about attending a high school party at Play’s house and trying to “play house” with chicks. Kid’s plans get derailed when he gets in a fight at school with R&B artists Full Force and his Dad orders him to stay home. He sneaks out, high jinks ensue and the party is thrown without or without his intervening.  

Okay, let’s pretend for a second that Kid ‘N Play (aged 26 ‘N 28 at the time) were actually in high school with Full Force (aged at least 120 combined.) This high school seems to be less supervised than all the kids in this movie. The fight that happens lasts way longer than the normal one-punch-tackle-roll-on-the-ground-break-up high school fight. And how did Full Force get in without Visitor’s Passes? Paul Anthony of Full Force was at least as old as the principal. That aside – how big is this high school? At the party it appears as though none of the guys had ever met any of these girls. Maybe it was like a high school transfer student program where only girls from other schools can attend local parties. Who has a huge party on a weekday and how did so many people get permission from their parents to go to this party? I had trouble just pretending I was going to the library and then actually going out skating. I can’t say I have been to a high school party recently, it’s been at least 4 months, but I have never been to one where only one person was drinking alcohol and the people treated him like shit for getting drunk. This was truly filmed in a flat topped utopian society.

Play gets overshadowed by Kid in terms of music performances (Play 1 to Kid’s 3). Maybe someone should have spent more time on their hair and less time picking out yellow suits. In the last rap attack when Kid is in jail (and the hip hop music seemingly pops out of nowhere) he wins the affection of some hardened criminals who want to see if his flatbottom matches his flattop. I have not been in jail in a while, at least 4 months since that last high school party, but usually murderers and gang members aren’t kept in holding cells with people who jaywalk. And why wasn’t Full Force shiving him in the jail cell? Earlier, they almost burned down the house with him in it (seriously – how messed up was that?)

You can’t review House Party without addressing the supporting cast including Martin “Dragon Breath” Lawrence and Tisha “Munchkin Breasts” Campbell who meet on screen for the first time before moving in together and starring in the TV Show “Martin.” Surprisingly, Kid ‘N Play were never invited to guest star on Martin. It’s probably because they dropped Martin Lawrence from being their DJ. I have tried to hit on multiple women at a time before, but Tisha Campbell and AJ Johnson had no problem being traded around like playing cards between the guys. That's how you know this was written by a guy.

The movie ends with everyone (but Martin) getting to hook up and everyone seems to make decisions that apparently have no repercussions the next day at school. In real life – Full Force would pummel Kid then sue for Police Brutality. Martin would pummel Chill for continually bumping the DJ Table (the DJ equivalent of heckling). AJ Johnson would spread unforgivable rumors about Tisha Campbell offering sex mere hours after watching her get hit on by the same dude. And Play would disappear into obscurity.

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