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Who I Am In Love With This Week - Zooey Deschanel

Written by: Brandon Fisher

zooey

 

The divorce rate in this country is still alarmingly high. It worries me, as a single guy, that even I might, you know, have to ask for my wedding present back. Wanna get it back. Don’t know if I can. That’s why from now on I am giving couples one egg as a present. That’s right, like they used to do in high school to see if you could handle having a kid. If they can bring that egg back to me in one year not only will I give them a present, but I will make them a one egg omelet. Famous people tend to get divorced quicker than us mere mortals – I think it’s because they are so superior they need to prove they can win the shortest marriage and most marriages medals in the Relationship Olympics.

This week I am in love with newly single Zooey Deschanel. Now this one seems obvious as she is everyone’s favorite manic pixie dream girl, but I love her for another reason – she is financially responsible. While filing for divorce from Death Cab For Cutie’s Ben Gibbard, she released her finances which revealed she only spends half of her income and has zero credit card debt. I think my credit score just got hard. Most girls I know live paycheck to paycheck (or paycheck to blowjob on a bad month), but this coupled with how talented, funny and attractive Zooey is sets the bar pretty high for any other humans (Dont' believe me? Listen to Nerdist Podcast 97 with her on it). I am beginning to think the movie Weird Science was a documentary and a couple nerds created Zooey out of characteristics of lesser women. 

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