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Brandon Breaks Records- Whistling Jack Smith

Written by: Brandon Fisher

Whistling

Women know if they walk past a construction site during the afternoon they are going to get whistled at (unless they are unattractive, in which case they are told to “get out of the way” and “stop scaring away all the hot women.”) Whistling at women is built into men’s genetic code – it’s what binds the X and Y chromosomes. Men are really victims of society here. We were taught this reflex at an early age, by a little known movie called Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In this movie seven miners, all with noticeable idiosyncrasies, whistled while they worked and attracted a hot princess. She even voluntarily chose to live with them in their shanty. Not just that –she also cooked and cleaned for them! If a bunch of deformed, borderline mentally challenged day workers made it work -anyone could make it work. All men are doing is following the teachings we were taught in hopes of snagging a princess (we will also settle for a legal secretary.)

In recent times the whistle has been replaced by the car horn, which was later replaced by the holler or as its better know the “holla.” Hollering is used in the same way dolphins use echolocation (it is commonly known that all dolphins are on the player prowl at all times.) A sound is emitted, usually something like “hey girrrl”, and the sender waits to see if his holler is returned back. If the response is favorable squeaking and back flips may occur. Some have rebelled against the holler, most notably Gwen Stefani with her song “Let Me Blow Ya Mind”, but the interactions are unlikely to disappear.

The attached image is the last recording by Whistling Jack Smith before he changed his name to the more known Hollering Jack Smith. And if this guy below is hollering now - he must be hospitalized from all the bedsores and rug burns.

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