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Brandon Breaks Records- Keath Barrie

Written by: Brandon Fisher

Barrie

They don’t make ‘em like they used to. That goes for boats, women and bell bottom jeans. No one knows this more than Keath Barrie. Keath Barrie has been all over the world (when his boat isn’t tied to the docks - as it is on the cover.) He has seen places. He has loved. He has loved places, literally. He has on several occasions attempted to court and marry tracks of land. This album contains many tales of such love like “Apalachicola” and “San Sebastian”.

“Apalachicola” is a tale of the promiscuity of shorelines in southern Florida. After several rejected proposals of marriage to Apalachicola, the poor man’s Panama City with a heart of Goldschlager, Barrie dropped by for a visit only to find San Sebastian sleeping with neighboring town Saint Joseph. Several attempts were made to burn Apalachicola National Forest to the ground, but only ended with restraining orders and a brief stint in jail for illegal deforestation.

Tired by the rejection of the Americas - Barrie decided to slum it and go ethnic for “San Sebastian”. On a vacation through Spain, Barrie docked up on “San Sebastian”. And by “docked up” I mean “fucked.” Impregnated and shamed from the other cities in Spain, San Sebastian hid the pregnancy from Barrie by lodging in a shelter.  San Sebastian later gave birth to their love child, Ibiza. Ironically Ibiza is now a popular destination for spoiled, rich children from affluent households.

Barrie loved many other well located destination spots, but has become more famous for his resemblance being used for the Russell Crowe episode of South Park.

Crowe

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