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Brandon Breaks Records- LA Dream Team

Written by: Brandon Fisher

LA

Many people believe the American Dream is to; own your own home, raise children that have it better than you had and to have all other nationalities know everything about your country while knowing next to nothing about their country. America. Many people are trying to achieve the dream – which is why so many Americans look asleep – but they need help making their dreams reality, because dreaming is hard. You have to lie down. Close your eyes. Stay still. And it takes forever…like 8 hours sometimes. Sounds more like work. Can’t we hire someone to do what we don’t want to do – isn’t that the American way?

The LA Dream Team will help your American dreams come true with an LA remix twist. You want to be a sharp dresser? How do you feel about shirts? Fuck ‘em. A fat gold chain and medallion is all you need. You don’t want to be a redneck do you? Grow a jheri curl (aka the black mullet) and keep that neck glossy. Then drop a phat white hat on top and you are dreaming large. You know what’s better than one white hat? A whole bunch of white hats for you and all your friends. How about a phat white hat for your pool? Hell No! You aren’t paying attention. It’s a good thing you hired the LA Dream Team. Oversided sunglasses, holmes. Do you have a moustache yet? No? Well you better get on that. You can’t say American Dream correctly without that slight whistle of upper lip hair.

Now most importantly – to live the American Dream, LA style, you have to get bad to the bone. Start with this LA Dream Team bad moisturizing lotion©, economically priced at $49.99 a tub. Moisturize six to seventy times a day and let that bad seep in. To ensure deep baddening, you should purchase the LA Dream Team baddening heat lamp© at the reduced price of $179.99. For a small nominal fee of $499.99 (plus shipping and handling) The LA Dream Team will personally appear at your house to guide your baddening. The LA Dream Team will also require room and board, food and jheri curl juice. This can all be acquired by purchasing the LA Cream Dream package© for the low, low price of two payments of $499.99. The LA Dream Team does accept lay away (aka lay on our sunglass shaped pool floaty and we will take you away to pleasureville.)

So order now and help the LA Dream acquire their American Dream of profiting off the misfortune of others.

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